little laho asked:


I divorced with my wife 10 years ago and now I want to amend the child custody from my ex-wife to me, how do I file the amend at the court? What forms do I need?

DONNA

Elizabeth Ryan asked:


This article is the first in a series of four that offers solid practical legal advice for individuals facing the prospect of a divorce. It is important to adequately prepare yourself properly for the legal process ahead in order to avoid any further unnecessary emotional stress during this difficult time.

Tip #1: Understanding the legitimate legal grounds for divorce in the view of the court is an important preliminary step in getting a divorce. The traditional grounds for divorce are known as fault grounds, and include transgressions such as adultery, extreme cruelty, desertion, alcoholism, incarceration and sexual deviance on the part of one spouse. A no-fault divorce does not assign blame to either partner, and occurs when both spouses agree that the marriage could not be repaired over time or through counseling. Be sure to research the specific laws regarding the grounds for divorce in your state in order to educate yourself on this preliminary aspect of divorce. A divorce lawyer can help you understand which legal statutes apply to your circumstances.

Tip #2: If you are contemplating a divorce, you may be wondering whether you should move out of the house. Divorce lawyer Peter Paras offers this insight: “Legally, if you leave your house, you don’t give up any of your rights to the house, to your children, or to anything. Sometimes leaving the house is a practical solution that makes a great deal of sense for everybody because it may help to reduce the stress and anxiety of everybody in the family, which will help to make the case go a little more smoothly.” On the other hand, Paras adds, “There are other times when it would be detrimental for tactical reasons to leave the house and those would have to be explored on an individual basis.” A general principle to remember when making a decision about whether or not to leave the house is that the more a couple can cooperate and compromise, the faster and smoother the whole divorce process will be. If you have children, it’s important to consider their well being and emotional state as well when making this decision.

Tip #3: It’s important to be prepared for your initial visit with your divorce attorney. Divorce attorney Bonny Reis suggests, “Before you see a lawyer, go through the house and take the financial records that you can find because although we’re entitled to get them in discovery, sometimes that is a long and costly process. The more you can bring to your lawyer to begin with, the better off you are and the less expensive your divorce is going to be.” Financial records that are especially helpful include bank account records, brokerage account records, tax returns, and Quicken records. “If someone keeps their books and pays their bills on Quicken or some program like that, it gives us in a nutshell the family’s lifestyle. It saves a lot in attorney’s fees and in accountant’s fees, and it enables us to give the judge a picture of exactly how the family lived,” Reis explains. Bringing your divorce lawyer proof of your significant other’s transgressions, such as incriminating photographs, is not very productive because the court views divorce as essentially an economic decision. As difficult as it may be, it is best to try to keep your emotions in check and focus on the practical concerns at hand.

Divorce case involves many different types of issues, including child custody, child visitation, child support, assets and property, and alimony, all of which will be addressed in parts 2-4 of this series.

Look for the upcoming installments of this series:

Part 2: Child Custody and Child Visitation

Part 3: Child Support and Alimony

Part 4: Assets and Property Division



OWEN

Steven Carlson asked:


The overall cost of your divorce can be impacted by several behaviors you may be able to control. When a marriage dissolves there are several important topics that need to be addressed and sorted out such as child custody and visitation, division of property, and support. Recognizing the following 4 behaviors and how to manage them ahead of time may be able to help your divorce lawyer properly gather the information he/she needs to put your case together and can reduce your divorce costs at the same time.

(1) Having unclear objectives

(2) Being overly enmeshed in your case

(3) Using your lawyer as a therapist

(4) Expecting justice in the courts

Having unclear objectives

One of the biggest mistakes you can make at the outset of your divorce is to not know what it is you hope to accomplish. Before you begin filing or responding to divorce motions, you would be wise to discuss your goals, objectives, and what results you can likely expect with your divorce lawyer. Having such a discussion with your divorce lawyer can help reduce the chances of unnecessary litigation, help you understand what you can likely expect through your divorce, and what the costs may likely be.

Being overly enmeshed in your case

Divorce typically deals with topics that bring about high emotions and intensity, which may result in a spouse becoming overly indulged or enmeshed in his/her case. When this happens, it is not uncommon for a spouse to supply large amounts of irrelevant research material to his/her divorce lawyer, which can drive up the costs of attorney fees. Additionally, a spouse that is enmeshed in his/her case, may begin micromanaging their divorce lawyer’s work, which can create more work for his/her divorce lawyer and be counter productive. Setting clear objectives and goals and knowing what to expect from your divorce lawyer in advance can help reduce the tendency to become overly enmeshed in your case.

Using your lawyer as a therapist

Due to the high emotions that typically go along with divorce, it is not uncommon for spouses to begin venting or discussing problems they had in their marriage or how they feel about the other spouse with their divorce lawyer. Many times, these types of discussions are strictly emotionally based, add no value to the client’s case, and are discussion better suited for a therapist, not a divorce lawyer. Divorce lawyers are typically concerned with facts, not feelings. Additionally, the time a spouse spends in these types of emotional communications with his/her divorce lawyer can add up in costs very quickly. Before initiating communication with your divorce lawyer, decide if the communication is strictly to vent or to pass on worthwhile information on to him/her.

Expecting justice in the courts

Spouses many times believe that if they can just have their day in court, justice will prevail. Spouses who believe that the courts are going to give them justice are often misguided and end up extremely disappointed with the results. Better results and happier divorce endings are often accomplished through mediation and/or stipulated agreements. When a judge makes a decision, it is rarely a win-win decision for both spouses. To manage your expectations of justice in the family courts, you would be wise to consult your divorce lawyer to help you determine what results you can likely expect if your case goes to trial.

© 2007 Child Custody Coach

Child Custody Coach supplies information, online materials, and coaching services to parents in the field of child custody, namely, divorce, child custody and visitation, child custody evaluations, 730 evaluations, parenting, and all issues related to child custody and divorce. “How to Win Child Custody - Proven Strategies that can Win You Custody and Save You Thousands in Attorney Cost!” is a unique child custody strategy guide written by The Custody Coach and made available by Child Custody Coach in an easy to read, understand, and apply E-Book format. Custody Match is an online consumer and family law attorney matching service to help you in your search for the right attorney for your divorce or child custody case. Custody Match can help you find the right family law attorney, divorce lawyer, or child custody attorney in your area.



GUADALUPE

Brittany M asked:


My boyfriend has a son that the mother of his son rarely lets him see. (The 2 were never married) My boyfriend pays the child support and is nothing but a PERFECT father to his baby boy. I’m looking to get a lawyer for him to file for joint custody for Christmas…Roughly how much could it cost?
Thank You

LAWRENCE

Jannelle Zawaideh asked:


Our wedding day is one that we look forward to years before it even happens. It is considered to be one of the happiest and most important times in our life and represents the start of a new chapter in our lives. Sadly however for many people ’till death do us part’ isn’t quite the reality that they get. For many married couples the bliss that comes with marriage, doesn’t last forever and for whatever reason there is a need for the marriage to come to an end via a divorce.

Going through the process of a divorce isn’t an easy time for either party involved. It is a highly emotional and trying time as well as being one that is tied up in laws and restrictions. Carrying on with a marriage that clearly isn’t working and that is causing unnecessary unhappiness can be far more destructive for the people involved than the effect of a divorce. The most important aspect when it comes to a divorce of course is whether a court should grant the divorce or not.

There are two main basic approaches to divorce, which are fault based and no fault based. The type of approach that is taken towards divorce depends on which state you live in. 49 states have adopted no fault divorce laws with grounds for divorce that include incompatibility, unsolvable differences and an irreversible breakdown of the marriage. No fault divorce is the main approach that is taken to divorce; however a fault based approach is also still used in certain states. A fault divorce can include aspects such as adultery or a complete breakdown of marriage. With a fault approach to divorce there is a general need to provide proof that demonstrates that the marriage has broken down beyond repair. It should be noted however that even if a state has adopted a no fault policy when it comes to divorce a court may still take into account the behavior of the parties when aspects such as property division, debts and child custody are considered.

The basic difference that determines what approach is being taken towards divorce is whether a state is liberal or conservative. It has been said that these divorce laws have made the divorce process simpler to attempt. Also the fact that every state follows its own laws when it comes to divorce it means that people do not deviate from state wise defined laws.

According to a statement released in 2005 it has been said that married couples now divorce two and a half times as often as adults did 20 years ago and four times as often as they did 50 years ago. It is estimated that between 40% and 60% of new marriages will eventually end in divorce. 20% of divorce is said to come from the first five years of marriage and 33% of marriage is said to end in divorce within the first 10 years.

There are numerous reasons as to why couples end up filing for divorce but whatever the reason is it is important that you have the correct help and guidance to get you through the divorce proceedings.



CANDICE

James Walsh asked:


The changing face of marital relations is determining new family dynamics, which will have an adverse effect on the future of the society. We should bear in mind that children of divorce will become future citizens of tomorrow and our society will look very different because of them.

Absence of a parent: Divorce invariably alienates the child from one of the parents. In most cases, the custody is awarded to the mother. Therefore, most the children of divorce tend to grow up without having their father around for the most of the time. This trend of growing up without a significant presence of a father figure has adverse effects on the mental and physical well being of a girl as well as a boy child.

Growing up without one parent can lead to psychological problems amongst the children, which can directly have an impact on the society that we live in. Children growing up without one parent are more likely to have unstable relationships in future and are more likely to be confused about their gender. The latter can be especially true if the child is staying with the parent of the opposite ***.

Children of Divorce Tend More Likely to Become Delinquents: Recent studies have proved that children who grow up in a divorced home are more likely to engage in criminal activities. In fact, such children are likely to become delinquents by the age of 15, regardless of when the divorce occurred.

Boys who come from divorced families are twice as likely to end up behind the bars than boys from intact families. In addition, they also displayed signs of physical abuse, violence against women, child abuse, and drug abuse.

Children of Divorce likely to Experience Poverty: Children of divorce are more likely to drop out of schools because of lower academic achievement. Therefore, they are less likely to build successful careers, which will keep their standard of living low in their future. This increases their chances of poverty in their adult lives.

Impact of Divorce on Girls: According to recent studies, the impact of a divorce can be more pronounced amongst the girl child. Girls tend to skip school more frequently and display more depressive behaviour than the boys. In addition, girls tend to face self-esteem issues that can affect their personalities for the rest of their lives. They are more likely to engage in unsafe *** and become teenage mothers.

Impact on Stepchildren: The age of divorce has given rise to step relations. When divorced people tend to remarry, it can have far-reaching consequences for the children. Research indicates that stepchildren are abused physically, sexually, and psychologically than children from intact families. These circumstances further damage the fragile minds of the children, leading them to engage in disruptive behaviour in general as well as in their future relationships.

Divorce Impacts Health and Mental well being of Adults: Recent studies have indicated that married people are more likely to be happy and content with their lives. On the contrary, divorced individuals are more likely to face psychological problems of some kind.

The trauma of divorce and an unsuccessful relationship affects future relationships in a way that the cycle of unsuccessful relationships may become hard to break. This can partly be attributed to the attitude of people towards divorce.

Successful, mentally and physically fulfilling relationships, as we know, may cease to exist completely in the future. Divorced individuals are more likely to indulge in alcoholism and suicides. If such individuals have children, it can have extremely detrimental consequences of their psychological wellness.

High divorce rates will have an impact on how people plan their families. Most people tend to fear divorce and delay planning children because they adopt the approach of “wait and watch”. Some people tend to go through so many divorces in their lives that they never get a chance to plan for children. When individuals wait for too long to have children, they are bound to experience fertility problems.



Divorce Impacts The Quality of Life of Individuals: Married people are more likely to be productive on their job and subsequently, earn more. Therefore, they are likely to save more, have a better mental health and tend to live longer. On the contrary, divorced people tend to be less motivated and tend to be unhappy with their jobs, save less, and spend more because of their unfulfilling lives.



KATHERINE

Rio Madeira asked:


The father usually is better able to provide for the child although the mother was the primary care giver. Are they both equally good reasons for child custody considering they are both needed to properly raise a child?

NORRIS

Kelly Purden asked:


You can find many articles that promise quick solutions to stop a divorce. The truth is that there are no fast rules you can follow in order to stop an impending divorce. If your partner decides to file a divorce, it could be difficult to stop it. You’re going to need a lot of effort to make your partner change his or her mind. You have to be ready to face your partner’s ire - and confront your own hard feelings as well. Furthermore, you’re going to need patience to work on your marriage because this will surely take time. Although quick results can never be guaranteed, there are solutions to stop a divorce.

One of the most effective solutions to stop a divorce is the power of persuasion. You and your partner are each given the option to slow down your divorce - if you want to. Since you’re here, you’re obviously looking for a way to fix your marital troubles and put a stop to the divorce proceedings as soon as possible and at all cost. If a divorce has been filed and you don’t like it, your only hope is to persuade your partner that your marriage is worth a second chance - and there is no better way to do this than to tell him or her about the many disadvantages of divorce.

A divorce must not be entered into lightly because its consequences are of the most serious matter. Whether or not you and your spouse have children, a divorce can strongly affect your lives. One of the most painful effects of divorce is the breaking up of a family. If you don’t have children, you and your spouse would still have to deal with discouraging thoughts about marriage and family. If you have children, you and your spouse would cause them more pain and confusion than you can imagine. Many psychologists believe that the effect lasts a lifetime, and children of divorced couples usually have poor academic performance, difficulty in their own relationships, general bitterness towards society, and familial instability right after the divorce and even as they grow older. Moreover, a divorce entails money; it is expensive. It can reduce your living standards since you will be forced to live on your own paycheck. Tell your spouse that solutions to stop a divorce must be employed because a divorce will hurt not just your children but you yourselves, your personal relationships, your faith, your romantic hopes, your pocket, and the way you live.

This is why marriage counseling is suggested before resorting to any drastic measures such as getting a divorce. If you haven’t gone through marriage counseling yet, ask your partner to consider this option and give it a try. Convince your partner that such an option isn’t only for you - it’s for his or her sake, too. Many divorce couples who filed for divorce before trying out alternatives like marriage counseling have confessed regretting their decision. They say their choice still haunt them and make them think of what could have been had they chosen to at least attempt to save their relationship. Solutions to stop a divorce abound, and you can pick an alternative, such as marriage counseling or even a trial separation, that doesn’t carry the life-changing consequences that a divorce can bring.



SANTO

James Walsh asked:


Major Western countries like the United Kingdom, United States of America and Canada have been experiencing an increase in their national divorce rates. Except for a few exceptions, almost a majority of the European nations have become prone to witnessing increased divorce rates. Asia and Africa, except for a few countries like Japan and Korea were not in the same league as the Western nations, in respect of increases in their national divorce rates.

In many societies, the social condition of its women determines the degree of familial ties and bonding within the family. For the disease of divorce, the figures arrayed by the various international agencies have shown that the concept of Women’s Liberation so vocally and passionately espoused in the yesteryears, has gone beyond its intended brief.

Breaking male hegemony, increased financial independence, equality in the gender roles are all fine goals, but increasing intolerance and the inability to effectively integrate oneself into the family unit are on the increase. The new found power has gone to the head. Women are initiating the divorce with a vengeance. 69% of all divorce cases were initiated by women in 2004. Of these, 52% cited bad male behaviour as the root cause for seeking divorce! Where is the family headed, without the becalming effect of a wife or mother?

History has repeatedly played out the collapse of nation states, due to the selfish and unfettered individualistic ambitions of individual satraps. Within the citadel of a family, giving free expression to individualism is a positive quality, provided it does not endanger the fortification itself. Priority to family needs over individual needs has always been the social norm. However, the present day social thought does not disapprove the focussed quest for personal satisfaction, even if it drives a nail into the coffin of an institution, like marriage. ‘I, me and myself, come first!’

There was a time when, divorce was an unspeakable word and the church vows attained finality when death parted the couple. Divorce showered social ostracism onto the couple. The shame and stigma of it lasted a lifetime and was highlighted as a blot in the otherwise distinguished history of the family. Honour, social mores … all that was a long time ago. Consequent to the advent of easy divorce laws in the 1970s, it appears as if an ad campaign extolling divorce has been let loose among the populace.

No-fault divorce laws, easy divorce proceedings, almost pre-set favourable outcomes for child custody and alimony and a battery of advisors and agencies to help in going through with the divorce process. Why would anyone baulk at the prospect of divorce? Divorce proceedings are beginning to resemble an afternoon jaunt in the neighbourhood park. Easy come and easy go, even if the mess is of your doing!

‘Once bitten, twice shy’ is an inappropriate adage to describe the restraining power of a divorce, to prevent a recurrence. However, statistics have necessarily shown that there are second-time divorces and umpteenth-time divorces, too (Remember Joan Collins?). It seems that people just don’t want to learn from their mistakes, or are marriages meant for the heck of it? A couple of years down the line, after the divorce, the wedding bells toll to a new lease of married life for the divorced spouse. Thus remarriage breathes life into an after-life after divorce. Now you can walk into or out of marriage, at will!

What has the all-pervading society done about this slowly festering sore? Accept it and learn to live with it or dress it up and hope that it will heal on its own? The widespread social acceptance that it is best to terminate an incompatible relationship rather than to work on solving the problem, has almost established divorce as the only plausible solution to the ills of marriage. The fact, that rampant divorce has taken roots in the soil of society, has inured a broad spectrum of society from reacting to this negative event and thereby allowed the rot to progress.

Seeing the contribution of each of these factors to the mushrooming of divorce and the crumbling of marriage, the day is not far off when the act of marriage would be like changing your clothes!



HARRIET

Guy Vitetta, Divorce Attorney asked:


Regardless of the type of divorce process you choose to use, it is important to identify your marital estate. The marital estate is defined by the South Carolina Equitable Apportionment Statute and generally comprises all assets and debts acquired by either party during the marriage, regardless of title. As you can guess, there are numerous exceptions to this rule, so discuss this issue carefully with your attorney. For starters, however, you should begin to gather the following information, regardless of how it was obtained or who obtained it, as long as it was obtained during the marriage. Gather information on an asset used during the marriage, regardless of when it was obtained.

An example of an “asset” would be your residence, a car, a boat, a valuable piece of artwork, a retirement account, or an investment account. An asset is anything that is worth money! Don’t worry about loans on the assets (such as your mortgage or a car loan), because you will be listing all of these debts separately. The result will be your “net” marital estate.

Here is a brief checklist to help guide you with this process. It is by no means a comprehensive list, so anticipate that your attorney will need more information, but it is a good starting place.

Income/ Assets:

• Income tax returns for the previous five years

• Retirement account statements; one from the date of marriage, one current.

• Estimated valuation of all real estate acquired during the marriage

• Estimated value of the marital residence, if owned

• Statements from current investment accounts

• Statements from college savings accounts for minor children

• Estimated (Blue Book) value of all automobiles

• Itemization of all valuable artwork, jewelry, etc. with estimate of values

• Copies of all trusts

• Copies of all whole life insurance policies or annuities

• Recent statements from whole life and annuity policies

• Copies of all corporate papers; Sub S Corp’s, LLC’s etc.

Debts

• Current credit card statements

• Current mortgage balances (1st, 2nd, 3rd, etc….)

• Automobile loans

• Promissory notes

• Student loans

• Secured loans

• Other debts and obligations (unsecured)

In complicated cases, a financial professional is helpful to assist in establishing the value of the marital estate. In the more straightforward cases, you and your lawyer can establish the values using and Excell or Numbers spreadsheet, or just a pencil and paper!

The bottom line is that you want to identify everything that was obtained during the marriage, or used as marital property during the marriage regardless of how it was obtained.

HOT TIP: You will also want to have this information very well organized for your attorney or financial professional. You pay these people by the hour, so the less time they need to spend organizing your financial matters, the less money you will pay for this service!



NICHOLAS