Jerald Young asked:


Recovery from divorce is hard. The good news is YOU CAN DO IT. In fact, with some focused effort and a little help, you can recover from divorce faster than you ever thought possible. Making a successful recovery from divorce requires both insight and action. The following tips highlight the most important insights and actions necessary.

TIP #1 - You are not unusual - You are not alone.

Statistically, there are a lot of us. 40% of first marriages and 60% of all remarriages eventually end in divorce. Emotionally, everyone is pretty much in the same boat. Ambivalence rules the day. Roller coasters are the preferred method of emotional transport. Realistically, anyone you know whose has gone through, or is going through a divorce, can identify with the reactions you are having. You are not alone.

TIP #2 - You can make a successful recovery from divorce because you have done it before.

You say you haven’t been divorced before? Doesn’t matter. All transitions force us to go through the same process of change - whether it is losing a job, getting married, starting a family, death of a loved one. Whatever. What we’ve learned from these life experiences we can apply to making it through our current transition through divorce.

TIP #3 - You already possess all the personal resources necessary to recover from divorce.

Confidence, a sense of direction, and hope seem to be the first to go when trying to recover from a divorce. But, not to worry. You already have the ability to deal with it. More specifically, we gain confidence from successfully navigating past major life transitions. We find stability of direction from our unique set of personal principles. We obtain courage to press on from our personal sources of hope. And, we obtain reassurance that we are on the right track through a sense of gratitude for the good present in the current situation

TIP #4 - You need to recruit at lease one “Change Buddy” for social support and feedback.

We need to find people (or at least one person) we can lean on for emotional support and count on for objective feedback while we make our recovery from divorce. These folks must have two important characteristics. They must have no personal agenda and they must be able to be honest with you. Only then can you count on their feedback as being objective.

TIP #5 - You can and must dissolve the massive resistance to change that comes with divorce.

Fear, loss, and uncertainty about what to do next sabotage our efforts to make a victorious recovery from divorce. However, we can handle our fear of the unknown future if we have a plan. We can let go of how things used to be - even the good stuff - when we realize there is even more good stuff in the next chapter of our life after divorce. And, we can resolve our rational reservations for making a recovery with old-fashioned problem solving.

TIP #6 - You can and must use what you have learned from going through the divorce process to make your recovery successful.

Only by using your experience to clarify your future requirements, needs, and wants for our life after divorce, can you capitalize on the great opportunity divorce offers. These learnings apply to your entire life including finances, health, relationships, and self expression.

TIP #7 - You must lay the groundwork for the many changes that must occur in order to make a successful divorce recovery.

Divorce brings change in our relationships, our health, our financial situation, and our opportunities for creativity and self expression. A successful divorce recovery demands that we attend to and plan for this wide range of changes in order to fully and joyously embrace the next chapter in our life after divorce.



SYLVIA

Sam asked:


If the Divorce papers say that the child custody issue has been taken care of prior to the divorce, does that mean we have to go by the child support papers? Or should the divorce papers have who has custody of the kids.

PHIL

IC asked:


When filing for a divorce you need to fill out papers for legal settlement. There are several free divorce forms available today. Divorce forms can either be for a fault or no-fault divorce, and can involve other related forms.

The modern practice in the U.S. now allows for no-fault divorces. In the past, the court only allowed spouses to divorce in the occurrence of a liability incurred by either party. Divorce was not permitted on reasons that had no grounds, such as non-existing evidence of disloyalty, adultery or domestic abuse.

A no-fault divorce does not require spouses to have to state particular reasons to push through with their divorce. They can obtain free divorce forms any time they feel the need to end their marriage. A no-fault divorce requires no evidentiary proceedings and either party can request for a divorce whether the other agrees to it or not.

If you are looking for a free divorce form, there are things you need to consider. Free divorce forms usually do not come in highly designed packages that contain tutorials in comparison to those that you need to pay for. Thus, it is always a good idea to familiarize with the aspects and requirements involved in filing for divorce while discussing these with a legal professional.

For fault or no-fault divorce, here is some important information you need to file or can add to your checklist when discussing with your attorney:

· R408 Form

· Complaint for divorce

· Copy (certified) of Marriage Certificate.

· Financial statement

· Affidavit disclosing child custody

Take note:

· A period of time to answer a file is always given to the defendant, which can be 20 days.

· A file for divorce can take up to 6 months to process, especially for no-fault divorce.

· Filing for divorce may incur fees.

· You can obtain free divorce forms online.

· Forms that are printed out (especially online free divorce forms) are sometimes required to be printed on a particular type of paper with a particular color. Little details like these are vital if you want court proceedings or the divorce process to go smoothly. You can consult a legal professional about this or view some samples beforehand.

Here are other related forms that you might want to discuss with your attorney:

· A Separation Agreement that includes details on custody, child support and property (must be signed by both parties)

· A spreadsheet detailing Child Support Guidelines

· An Affidavit of Indigence

· Forms for divorce with children involved: Child Support Guidelines and PACT program (Parents and Children in Transition)

· Trial Request

· Marital settlement agreement with minor children forms

· Marital settlement agreement with no children forms.

The information provided is only a guideline and should not be taken as legal advice. Any information you use while filing a divorce can be used counteractively in court. It is always best to consult an attorney or legal specialist before filling, signing and submitting forms.



THURMAN

Bob J asked:


Any idea where I could find a decent child custody attorney or information on custody battles in the Houston, Texas area?

TANNER

Jannelle Zawaideh asked:


Marriage is described as the personal union of individuals where you vow to love honor and obey, but sadly for reasons that are personal to the individuals, marriage often breaks down, bringing in grounds for divorce.

Divorce is based on state law so depending on which state you live in you may be filling for absolute, limited or no fault divorce. In the state of Michigan the divorce law that is most commonly seen is a no fault divorce. This type of divorce doesn’t require any proof of fault from either party involved; all you have to do is demonstrate that the relationship is no longer viable. Common reasons for no-fault divorce include incompatibility, irreconcilable differences, and irremediable breakdown of the marriage. This type of divorce can be forced on the non-initiating spouse even if it is against their wishes.

In order to start a divorce procedure in Michigan you must live there for 180 days before you file your complaint for divorce. If you are the spouse that initiates the divorce procedure you are known as a plaintiff. If you are the spouse who doesn’t file for divorce you are known as the defendant.

So how long will a divorce procedure take within Michigan? If there are no children involved in your divorce procedure then it is estimated your divorce procedure will take 60 days to complete. If there are children involved then you cannot be granted a divorce for at least six months. It should be noted that these times are just a rough guide and more often than not these times should be doubled.

A divorce is based primarily on a lot of documents that are needed in order for the divorce procedure to begin. The first of these documents is known as a summons; this is a document that notifies your spouse that a divorce procedure has begun and that they have 21 days to respond. Once the summons has been sent you will move onto dealing with the complaint, which is the document that officially starts the divorce and contains numerous details such as:

• Yours and your spouses name, including maiden names

• The names and date of birth of any children that you have

• When and where you were married as well as the date of your separation

• Your length of residence in the country and state

• The grounds for divorce

• Detailed of any property

After the summons and complaint has been served to the defendant it is the defendants job to file an answer to the complaint; if this happens the answer is filed and the divorce case becomes contested; however if the defendant fails to deliver a reply to the complaint the case becomes uncontested. Another option that the defendant has after receiving the complaint is to produce a counter claim, which the plaintiff then has to answer.

Once the complaint has been sorted you will move onto trying to come to a settlement. If a settlement cannot be reached the case will then be tried. After this comes the most important document to do with your divorce; the judgment, your final decree, which is what grants you your divorce.

The one piece of advice that I can offer you when it comes to obtaining your divorce, whether you are the plaintiff or the defendant is to find a good divorce attorney as they will be able to help you with all aspects of your divorce, especially if things start to become difficult.



NELSON

tatoogirl2008 asked:


What rights does a father have if the mother of a child(ren) did illegal drugs and the children were taken away. Then a court order gave the children to the father and the mother could have no contact unless the father was present, and she has no custody, but this was only for 2 months. There was no child support filed and the only thing that proves he cares for them is the cps paper saying he is the sole caregiver for the 2 children. What can he do to take full custody of the children?

LANE

James Walsh asked:


According to recent studies, men are two and a half times more likely to commit ******* after divorce as compared to women. These studies have put an end to the famous mistaken belief that women suffer more after divorce.

Women have long been termed as emotional beings by their male counterparts. In fact, it is common for men to ridicule and even feel frustrated about the emotional quotient displayed by women. However, truth is, it is this emotional quotient that helps women cope with divorce far more easily than men. Women tend to make friendships on a far deeper emotional level than men do. These friendships help women deal with their feelings during and after the divorce process because women are able to talk to their friends about their concerns and problems.

Men, on the other hand, tend to form friendships wherein they can get to “hang out” with their friends but not talk about their deep inner feelings. Since men are not able to voice out their bitterness and hurt felt during the divorce, they tend to feel a void in their lives. In fact, it is common for men to seclude themselves from their friends because they do not even know how to have fun with their friends when their minds weigh so heavily with emotional baggage related to divorce.

Men tend to feel more shattered than women after the divorce because in most of the divorce cases involving children, the custody of the children is awarded to the mother. Therefore, all of a sudden, men find themselves to be a mere visitor in their child’s life, which can be a very tough emotion to deal with.

Children tend to act as stress busters during the divorce process because they become a source of love and support after divorce. While custodial mothers are able to reap the rewards of this love and affection and cope with divorce easily, non-custodial fathers tend to feel very lonely because they not only lose their status of being a husband but also of being a father.

It is common for men to blame themselves after the divorce because they feel that divorce could have been averted if they had been more sensitive to their troubled marriage. Truth is, no matter how much a wife complains about problems or concerns in a marriage, husbands mostly never understand the importance of these issues. For that reason, when wives file for a divorce, most husbands are in state of shock. When men are unable to deal with their feelings of guilt, bitterness, loneliness, and anger, ******* seems to be the only alternative.

Survival Strategies for Men to Avoid Suicidal Tendencies

Communicate

It is extremely important for men to talk about their feelings and concerns to someone that they can trust and depend on. Since many men do not know how to talk about their innermost feelings to their male friends, it might help if you seek help of a female friend or relative. Often, gaining insights to problems from a female perspective can be of huge help during such a tough time.

If you feel that there is no one you can turn to, seek professional help. Professional therapists will not only help you to overcome your fears and problems but will also help you find solutions to these issues and fears. It is important to remember that your inner healing phase will not start unless you let out the bitterness, sadness, or frustration associated with divorce.

Join a Divorce Support Group

Joining a divorce support group is a good way to understand that you are not the only one in this tough situation. There are some divorce groups that specifically cater to the needs of divorced men. Joining these groups is a good way to find out what tools and strategies others have used to cope with the stress and problems related to divorce.

Forgive and Move On

Many times we are not able to move on with our lives after a bitter incident because we fail to forgive those who have caused us hurt and pain. However, truth is, the best way to relieve ourselves of our pain is to forgive the person who is the source of the pain. By forgiving and moving on with your life, you close a bitter chapter of your life and accept the outcome as an eventuality.



ROSEMARIE

James Walsh asked:


What is a Divorce Recovery Support Group?

As the name suggests, it is a support group for divorcer. The group comprises of many divorcers who get together under the trained guidance of therapists and divorce counsellors to discuss their mutual situations. The group provides support and guidance to divorcers about their newfound life status. The group follows a format of discussion, introspection and frank communication.

Divorcers are encouraged to talk about their personal divorce experiences. A feeling of companionship is created. Divorcers share and give advice to each other. The divorce recovery support group is based on the knowledge that shared information and advice among fellow members have more impact than individual professional intervention. Divorcers get to know where they went wrong and where they are going wrong. The group also acts as a meeting place. Divorcers meet like-minded people and are able to strike friendships.

Objectives

Set Short Term and Long Term Goals: The divorce recovery support group helps a divorcer to devise a new plan for his or her new life. It helps the divorcer to adjust to the new situation. It propels the divorcer to look within and chart new priorities and expectations. These include:

Dealing with Child Custody Issues: The group helps the divorcer to come to terms with reality. It teaches the individual acceptance especially in the case of child custody. The divorcer realizes that he or she should not divorce the child. The child should always form top priority no matter what the situation. The divorcer has to keep in constant touch with the child. The divorcer outlines following guidelines after opening up to members of the recovery group:

Continuous direct communication through physical visits, emails, phones and letters

Conducting a cordial relationship with ex in front of child

Not criticizing or abusing, blaming ex in front of child

Maintaining and following court ordered visitation schedules regularly

Being actively involved in child’s life

Ensuring child knows everything about your new life

Developing Financial Goals: The divorcer has to create new financial targets. These fall into three categories of short-term and immediate targets, medium and long-term goals. The divorcer determines these goals in accordance with importance. He or she has to decide what has to be achieved at once and what can be achieved slowly. The recovery group helps the divorcer realize that the achievement of short-term goals ensures the fulfilment of long-term goals.

Short-term Goals

Setting up individual bank account

Reverting to maiden name on important documents

Changing residence and leasing a house which will have a separate room for the child

Applying for individual credit card

Seeking a change in professional work status

Reducing expenses

Long-term and Medium Goals

Meeting new people and developing/ widening social circle

Dating leading to physically intimate encounters

Remarrying

Getting involved in enjoyable hobbies and interests

Making new investments i.e. purchasing a new house

Investing in bonds and financial schemes to increase personal income

Setting up a child maintenance trust

Physical Changes: The recovery group holds that a divorcer has to let go of emotional baggage before starting a new chapter of life. Getting a physical makeover forms a big part of this initiative. The support group forces a divorcer to quit depression and regain self-esteem. Usually, groups of divorcers visit a parlour and get a makeover done at the same time. This increases the communal feeling of not being alone. It also allows the divorcer to share private marital information in a non-structured environment.

The logic is that a physical change helps the divorcer to regain his or her self-belief and confidence. Adjustment on an emotional and cognitive level can only come if the individual feels confident about physical self.

Online Divorce Recovery Groups: Nowadays online divorce recovery groups are making headway. These groups do not focus on a single area. They deal with divorcers during and after divorce. They provide online lectures on life post-divorce. The online classes also help divorcers to be informed about divorce law and amendments.

Usually, divorcers and individuals intending to get divorced, divorce counsellors and therapists form part of the group. Online recovery groups afford privacy and convenience. It often happens that divorcers or couples trying to file papers feel embarrassed about face-to-face contact. It could also be that some divorcers feel ashamed to talk about personal feelings and thoughts in front of other people. Online groups step in allowing the individual to heal oneself privately.

The group provides information about legal procedures and documents. It also garners support for populous issues of child custody and spousal maintenance.



CHELSEA

Joel Engel asked:


What Your Type Of Divorce Reflects:

The way a person goes about divorcing and all its variations are very telltale.

Analyst’s Divorce:

It was your analyst’s suggestion that you part. After all the therapeutic sessions, your analyst was comfortable with the both of you divorcing, although neither of you were convinced. You are not an impetuous individual and need to have your opinions affirmed by others.

Attorney’s Divorce:

You sought out an attorney to handle all of the divorce proceedings, because of an underlying yielding nature. You have found your attorney to be capable of inflaming you and convincing you how much you are used. Although before the actual divorce proceedings you actually had a higher regard for your spouse, you now realize how he has terribly mistreated you. Thank you mister attorney.

Celebrated Divorce:

You made a gourmet dinner to celebrate your splitting up. You have lots of class and positive energy. You do not have hard feelings and considering all, you actually have very little feelings about your ex.

Costly Divorce:

Due to the fact that you feel delinquent in carrying out your divorce, you believe by paying extravagantly for your breaking up of your family, you have relieved yourself of the blameworthiness. As one in control, you needed a rationalization for being stormy. Now you can pin that on the exorbitant bill.

Courting Divorce:

How ironic that after you broke up, you appreciated each other more. Your inflexibility demands its own space. You will notice that this is true about you in other relationships as well.

Delayed Divorce:

You really prefer staying together because making a decision to change is a hassle. You actually desire for things to get better.

Furious Divorce:

You find fault in just about everybody, because you expected much more from them than they were actually prepared to give you. Feeling victimized, you are going to make your mate pay for this.

Impending Divorce:

With the intimidation of the divorce proceedings overhanging, your everyday living together has actually improved. You prefer to stay. The problem is that you don’t tell this to your mate.

’In’ Divorce:

Your need for development overshadows your continuing being together. Your nonchalant behavior throughout your breakup typifies your other inter-relations, which of course may be broken for the same reason.

Invalidating Divorce:

It is very hard for you to admit that you could possibly make any mistake. To err and to erase - that leaves a mark. By legally construing that your marriage never existed, you never blundered.

The Living Together Divorce:

The fact that you stay together, be this because of the children,  etc., demonstrates that  you  are  actually  fearful  of  loneliness. Forlorn and hopeless, you don’t really imagine that your situation would be better with someone else. Of course, should somebody sign in front of a notary that they’ll marry you, you will then have the courage to move out.

The Never Ending Divorce:

You’ve been married for two and a half years and the divorce proceedings have taken four. You still have great devotion and affection for your mate. Owing to your inherent dedication, your connection is insured by your lawyers and by the ongoing proceedings.

The Premarital Divorce:

In lieu of the possibility that you eventually separate, all movable and non movable possessions have been allocated. This occurs because you can only give of yourself when you are assured

of a proper return, your marriage having taken on more of a business relationship than an intimate one.

The Prolonged Separation:

Your nature is not to let anything out of your grasp. The time allowed in these proceedings assists you into your new lifestyle, one of seclusion. Your technical state of marriage psychologically helps you in not having to be with your mate- or anybody else for that matter. 

The Recurring Divorce:

In order to get divorced you have to marry. You love love. It would be better if this was your mate. Although you are very romantic, staying married could bring you down, due to the actual needs of everyday life. Being divorced from practicality, it would only have been a matter of time that your spouse would file for the divorce.

The Speedy Divorce:

You have no time for any painful experiences. Even if you realize you will lose, in any given situation, you feel that it’s better to do it in the least amount of time as possible. You inherently believe in yourself and your conclusions, therefore it’s easy for you to expediate major decisions.

The Unavoidable Divorce:

The opinion of others is extremely vital to you. To such an extent that they often weigh  more  importantly  to  you than your own intimate relations. The fact that so many people believed that your marriage would never work, has served as a constant negative reminder to you, that you really should divorce because you never should have married. Strangely enough, the underlying fear that your friends might not agree with your decision again threatens you. 

The Unexpected Divorce:

How is it possible that your marriage appears to have been full of bliss and out of nowhere you receive an attorney’s letter? Your spouse has filed for divorce proceedings. You do not let yourself see reality. Living in a dream has kept you from facing the reality of your poor state of affairs. Although your spouse’s attorney has won the case easily, you’re sure that all the negative charges against you were only conjured up to insure the large settlement.

 



NINA

Divorce Ammo asked:


When it comes to the Court Room, you will find this to be a pretty place.  Once the divorce proceedings begin, the outcome of your divorce is in the hands of a total stranger - the Judge.  You no longer have control. All decisions will now be made by a stranger. Of course this stranger may be having a bad day, not feeling well, or even have had a major fight with their spouse the night before.   I know it’s scary and may even seem unfair, but this is the real world and it happens all the time. This judge is now in control of the outcome of your trial.

Here are a few tips to help prepare you for the Court Room experience:



First, I strongly recommend you try to settle as many issues as possible before entering the Court Room.  This means the judge won’t be in control of everything.

Do not expect the Judge will always make decisions in your favor. There are three directions the judge can go when making a decision: Your way, your spouse’s way, or the Judge’s way. As you can see, two out three are not in your favor.

Discuss how you should act, and when to speak with you attorney before going into the courtroom. Do not speak unless asked to do so by the Judge.

When addressing the Judge with respect by addressing him/her as “Your Honor.”

Never speak to or make comments to your spouse when you are before the Judge.

Leave all hostile and negative emotions at the door. Do not make faces or gestures when the judge or your spouse’s attorney is speaking. Judges see this and do not appreciate it.

Dress for success. Your attorney will have a certain strategy on how he/she wants you to be portrayed. Therefore, consult your attorney on how he/she wants you to dress.

Take notes. Don’t leave anything to chance. Your attorney will be very busy during the process and cannot remember or write everything down.

Be prepared and stay organized. Bring as much information, documentation and any pertinent documents that you possibly can with you. It is better to have too much ammunition than not enough.

Be prepared to be in the court house for some time. You will sometimes wait for hours before your case is called.



You can get more divorce tips and strategies at www.DivorceAmmo.com



ULYSSES