Ed Sherman asked:


Experience and academic studies have helped us identify the basic elements of a successful divorce. “Successful” means completing the process of emotional separation, reaching a new center of balance as a single person, maintaining the welfare of your children, and establishing healthy attitudes toward yourself, your ex-spouse, and your past marriage.

Absence of conflict is not part of the ideal divorce. A degree of anger and conflict is natural, useful, even constructive. It helps to break the bonds of attachment and old patterns of relationship; it makes you think and reflect; it makes you change. But excessive and destructive conflict requires special treatment. The discussion of severe conflict and how to deal with it is found in Divorce Solutions: How to Make Any Divorce Better.

Apart from peace of mind, growth and other human values, there are very practical advantages to struggling as hard as you can to make your divorce better. The closer you can get to the ideals discussed below, the better it will be for you and your family:

* You will ease tensions and conflict

* You will have a far greater chance for compliance with terms of agreements

* You will save thousands in legal costs

* If you have children, you will greatly improve co-parenting and cooperation

Elements of a successful divorce:

1. Mutuality. Lack of mutual sharing in the decision to divorce is a primary cause of conflict in the divorce and post-divorce periods. In an ideal divorce, the decision is arrived at together. This does not mean that one spouse may not be sadder or more distressed than the other, but that both come to accept divorce as the best thing under the circumstances. The spouses should be mutually active in negotiating terms and in co-parenting. The most stable settlements occur when both spouses take an active role in the negotiations, not simply leaving it to a lawyer. A good divorce is an actively mutual enterprise.

2. Attitude. Each spouse should end up with a balanced view of the other spouse and of the marriage experience. There should be a sense of emotional and spiritual closure. You should be free of any lingering feeling of blame, guilt or failure. You want to create increased self-understanding, the ability to form healthy new intimate relationships, and a sense of self-confidence.

3. Children. In an ideal divorce, injury to children is minimized, primarily through maintaining good co-parenting relations. Children can literally be destroyed by fighting between their parents, so it is very important that parents be able to work together for the well-being of their children. When not resolved, conflict can go on for years, even after the legal divorce is over. Children must be free of the feeling that loving one parent is a betrayal of the other. They must be free of the thought that they are the cause of the divorce.

4. Setting goals. Trying to create the ideal divorce is like any other ideal you try to achieve, like ideal health or achievement in some sport. Your goals are something you work toward, but you don’t want to beat yourself up every time you fall short. Just try your best. The closer you can get, the better and smoother your divorce will go, and the better your future will be.



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Terry Ross asked:


With so many marriages ending up in divorce (around 50% in America) there has become an ever increasing need for help in surviving the ordeal of a divorce.

The first thing to you need to do is make doubly sure that there is no way you can save your marriage and that divorce is the only option. If you can be sure that you are not making a mistake in getting divorced the easier it can be to come to terms with the separation.

Once you have made your decision you need to start mentally preparing yourself for the life beyond divorce.

Once you have reached this point and you have filed for divorce there is no point looking back, what has happened is in the past and you now need to look to what needs to be done to make the separation easier and start planning for the future.

Don’t go blaming yourself and don’t start thinking of yourself as a failure. Divorce happens and so you and your partner haven’t got the marriage idea quite right but you now need to learn from any mistakes, let go and move on.

I know it’s easy for me to say and the concept of divorce is probably a crushing blow but you can and you will survive this. You know your marriage and you know it can’t be saved and that you are seeking divorce with good reason. It makes sense to move on.

You need to try and let go before the end, begin to start making a new life (at least in your mind) before that final bit of paper comes through the door.

Divorce is a whole lot easier if the whole process is amicable. The more fighting and arguing that occurs over custody and finances the more stressful divorce can be. Divorce is hard enough you just don’t need or want any added animosity. The harder the divorce the slower the recovery process will be.

Divorced spouse can often be filled with feelings of hatred, anger and self-loathing. Stress levels run high and it just seems impossible to get past the frustration and the continual memories of the failed marriage but divorce has to mean ‘the end’. To survive divorce and get on with your life you need to visualize and understand the line drawn under your marriage. You might not like it but you have to accept it.

Don’t ever think that because one marriage is failed you won’t enjoy a loving relationship again. You need to re-build your self-esteem, accept that many marriages fail and that your divorce doesn’t mean you are a failure.

Try and start rebuilding your life and doing something you enjoy every day. Make sure you have time out from going over and over your marriage. Deliberately make extra time for things you enjoy and try and keep your mind occupied for as much of the day as possible.

Obviously evenings are harder and this is when you need to start rebuilding your social life. Don’t lock yourself away, get out there, do thinks you enjoy, meet new people and start learning that there is a whole new life waiting for you. See divorce as the beginning and not the end!

If you have children don’t use them to get at your ex-spouse. Children suffer enough after a divorce and you need to make it as easy as possible for them. It’s also easier for you if you can learn to let go of the anger.

If you believe you can do it then you can do it. Don’t let divorce ruin your life, it’s your decision to go down with the sinking ship or get back out there and start swimming. You can do whatever you want, you can make it happen. There are a whole load of new opportunities out there just waiting for you to grab them. It’s a bit like riding a horse or a bicycle, if you fall off you have to get back on if you don’t you’ll loose your nerve.



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Javier Chua asked:


There are 2 different situations of ending a marriage and if you are trying to stop a divorce, you must recognize which situation you are in first before doing anything to save the relationship.

Situation 1: You made the decision to end the marriage

If you fall under this situation of being the one who made the decision to end the marriage and you are wondering, how can I stop my divorce? You should realize that you are in a much better position than most people trying to save their marriage. What you need to do in order to stop the divorce is to swallow your pride and apologize to your spouse. Provide a valid explanation to your spouse about your harsh decision and you really have regretted it now. Explain the whole situation that you no longer want the divorce, and you never really wanted it. Let your spouse know that you actually spoke out of anger and you were really wrong.

It may seem to be a difficult step to actually apologize for our own mistakes but it is a necessary thing to do. Since you were the one who brought up the divorce issue, your spouse might have started seriously considering and thinking that it’s a good idea, too.  When you want to know, “How to stop a divorce,” you need to discover what your spouse thinks of the idea and make it clear that you were wrong.  Unless they’ve had a lot of time and reason to decide that you were right and divorce is the best step, you can probably save the marriage just by admitting you made a mistake.

Situation 2: You did not want the divorce but it happen suddenly

Those who fall under this situation are wondering, “How can I stop my divorce when I didn’t want it in the first place.” The real problem lies in you and you really have to work out where actually went wrong. Most people may explain without judgment or accusations, that they think the marriage is worth saving and that they do not want a divorce. You may have tried this before maybe more than once but the way you say it can make a difference so make sure you do it correctly.

In a relationship, it is very important to be very mature and calm when handling any situation even a divorce. It is not always easy to do as divorce is an emotional and painful experience. Remember this: Never scream, accuse or point fingers at your spouse if you want to get them back as all those unpleasant actions will cause the situation to get worst and give your spouse even more reasons to get away from you. What you really need to do is to let go of the anger and resentment you feel towards your spouse and really willing to work on your problems. However, you must realize that this relationship may not go back to the way it was before but some changes must be done to make it better. Suggest marital counseling to your spouse and explain, “I want to stop our divorce,” but make it clear you know your spouse was unhappy with the way things were, and you’re ready to make them better.

Is your relationship worth saving? Find out more on how to get back together with your spouse or ex love.

Watch the true stories of people who managed to stop a divorce and get back their ex and hope you will be the next person to get back with your ex.



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Chris Okafor asked:




FAILED MARRIAGES: ONE DIVORCE, TOO MANY. BY CHRIS OKAFOR

Marriage is an act of joining a man and a woman together in a holy matrimony as husband and a wife. It often calls for fun fares, weddings, celebrations and conviviality.

People spend a lot of money in planning for these big occasions and sometimes end it up cruising around the world on honeymoon. The couples had, without doubt, in church and in present of a Reverend Father, vowed to be faithful and to love one another until death do them apart. To most people who had partaken in this vow, it must be upheld with respect and dignity at all times. They sees marriage as a sacrament while to many, there is absolutely nothing wrong with saying “I do” today and within the next 4 months, it is all over.

This school of thoughts viewed the entire institution of marriage as “free-entry-free exit” kind of a contact. It doesn’t matter if their well publicised and celebrated marriage would come to a halt within months of its inception.

On the other hand, divorce or dissolution of marriage is the ending of marriage or marital vow before the death of either spouse. It can be contrasted with annulment, which is a declaration that marriage is void, though the effect maybe recognised in such unions such as spousal supports, child custody and distribution of property.

The problem of failed marriages and divorce around the world particularly Europe and America is so enormous and inexplicable especially when there is no basis to determine necessary or sufficient causation. It is, indeed, a social problem with a hereditary attachment of which many are completely ignorant of and never believe in existence of the following concept which I am going to outline here. When one decides to put an end to his/her marriage on a mere provocation and on issues that ought to be resolved amicably, you have no moral justification to tell your children in future that there is anything wrong with divorce or having children with different parents.

In Nigeria, for instance, there are some ethnic groups that advise their male children never to marry from a single parent or a broken home. The ironic reasons are palpable. They believed that marriage is all about tolerance and the woman being ********** to their chosen husband at all time and therefore no amount of disagreement between couples that would warrant a woman to abscond from home. In most cases, men reserve the exclusive right to send their wives out of their matrimonial home on the ground of infidelity and promiscuity.

Women are normally the victim and in contrast, because of male dominance, cultural and religious affiliations, it is customary for people in most African countries to come back home from their respective daily activities and announce to their wives that they are marrying the second or the third wife as the case may be without questioning. They have the sole right as well to have as many girlfriend(s) as it pleases them or go out and come back at will.

In fact, it is not only a taboo but it is also an abomination for average African woman to go out like their European or American counterparts, get drunk and have a one night stand that often lead to pregnancies. Such women would possibly be disgraced before their children and sent packing from home without compassion of any kind.

This is liken to ” if you cannot stand the heat get out of the kitchen” kind of marriage which have been viewed in some quarters as some kind of slavery. The truth of the matter is that some of these women knew what it meant to them for their children to be jointly raised and as such, they choose to stand the heat rather than getting out of the kitchen. The respect to their chosen husbands, no matter what he does or did is total and it is fundamentally important that they do not bring shame to their respective family no matter how wretched, poor or rich that family may be.

Recent research has shown that the evolution of marriage has taken place despite an increased life expectancy that has theoretically made a longer and healthier life together as a couple possible. Although in the past, the death of one of the two spouses was the typical end of marriage, divorce is now the most frequently observed cause.

In Switzerland, for example, the number of newly divorced residents actually exceeded the number of newly widowed residents in 1988 (OFS, 1990).

This is a relatively recent phenomenon, having existing for less than half a century and even less in some countries where it was forbidden or severely restricted until very recently (The mid 1970s in Portugal and Italy, 1981 in Spain, and not until 1997 in Ireland). Divorce is not only a legal instrument freeing a couple from wedlock, but an act that is at the heart of familial and social processes.

To understand the rise in the number of divorces in various countries, one must first understand the reasons causing couples to marry. France, Italy, Sweden, and Switzerland are representative of the diversity of marital and familial situations existing in Europe.

What we see sometimes in American reality television is an eye saw. An unacceptable situation where one is married and within 3 months, the man is sleeping with his wife mother. There is no basis of comparison between African marriages and other people around the world because what they see as a way of life is completely forbidden in Africa. Again, most people see this as being totally primitive.

It is difficult for average women in Europe generally to stick to their marriage when they eventually realized that their husbands are cheating on them. That would invariably be the last straw and would be used as an affront to divorce in which they would be beneficiary to their husband’s stupendous wealth and without recourse to how such separation would affect their children.

The ratio is 1 out of every hundred and we have seen this ratio at work sometime ago when a footballer wife defiantly resisted their former assistant shameless confession in order to thwart her marriage. She chooses to stand firmly by her husband throughout the trying period. In United States, during Bill Clinton era, a similar newspaper unconfirmed report between Bill and a Monica Lewinski almost ruin the marriage between the then president and his wife. Again, the latter choose to remain with the husband rather than divorce.

This is just one in a million and like a reoccurring decimal, one hardly turns the pages of newspapers these days without reading about ones divorce or the other. There are countless number of lawyers placing adverts on newspapers and magazines for cheap divorce rates.

Today, one of the primary reasons why most celebrities cannot marry is that they are not ready to let what they have laboured all their entire life to be given to a nitwit in the name of divorce settlement .It is quite obvious that people go into marriage for number of reasons while some people, most especially women, go into marriage for the financial gains not really because they needed a family.

According to Jenny Burley and Francis Regan, the Irish story of family law reform in the post-second world war era is quite different from the experience of other countries. One of the main reasons why the story is different is that from 1937 divorce was banned under the Irish constitution. Divorce law reform therefore required a referendum to change the constitution. Even though there were thousand of separated people in Ireland in early 1980s, the proposal to introduce divorce was vociferously opposed in referenda in 1986 and 1995.

The opposition to constitutional change was fuelled by anti-divorce campaigns which used fear tactics, related to money, children, property and inheritance to argue that divorce would tear apart the very fabric of Irish society. The campaign also claimed that divorce would open floodgates to marriage breakdown. The availability of this divorce in Ireland since 1997 has not, however, borne out of dire predictions of the anti-divorce campaigners.

Successful and failed marriages have its origin and background from family circles and some people has argued that it would take a divine intervention for the products of broken homes to triumph where their parents have failed. This is simple. Children learn a great deal from the good and the bad we do at home.

What are responsible for most ignominious exit in most marriages particularly from most women are sheer greed, drink and drugs, insatiable lust and lack of tolerance, which unavoidably, is contributing immensely to the drastic decadence in family and societal values.

The devastating effects of divorce on children and families are enormous. Research made by Dr.Todd.E Linaman on families noted the following:

Future effects of divorce

• Children deal with the effects of divorce not only as children, but into adulthood. The effects of divorce will impact the next generation of children as well.

• The child’s suffering from the effects of divorce does not reach its peak at the time of the divorce and then level off. Rather, the emotional effects of divorce can be played and replayed throughout a child’s life.

Academic effects of divorce

• Children from divorced families drop out of school at twice the rate of children from intact families, and they have lower rates of graduation from high school and college.

• Children from divorced homes performed more poorly in reading, spelling, and math and repeated a grade more frequently than did children not facing the effects of divorce.

Social effects of divorce

• Children of divorced parents are significantly more likely to become delinquent by age 15, regardless of when the divorce took place, than are children not dealing with the effects of divorce.

• The single best predictor of teen ******* is parental divorce and living in a single-parent household.

• Comparing all family structures, drug use in children is lowest among children not facing the effects of divorce.

Emotional effects of divorce

• Divorce has been found to be associated with a higher incidence of depression; withdrawal from friends and family; aggressive, impulsive, or hyperactive behavior; and either withdrawing from participation in the classroom or becoming disruptive.

• Adult children of divorced parents experience mental health problems significantly more often than do the adult children who didn’t witness the effects of divorce as children.

Relational effects of divorce

• After divorce, children tend to become more emotionally distant from both parents.

• As adults, children of divorced parents are half as likely to be close to their parents as are children not dealing with the effects of divorce.

• In their own marriages, children of divorced parents are more likely to be unhappy, to escalate conflicts, and to reduce communication with their spouses.

• Some studies concerning the probability of divorce for children of divorced parents have found the risk to be more than twice the risk for children who haven’t personally experienced the effects of divorce.

This is just one of the numerous factors affecting divorce on families and the list is endless. One thing about people that I have met in my life is that they do not realize the impact of the mistake they must have made in terms of making a decision that would ultimately shape their life until such mistake begin to hit them. It is, however important amidst these factors that we should think very carefully before considering divorce.

Chris Okafor

Galway Ireland: chrisokafor@myself.com



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Steven Kokensparger asked:


If you are unfortunate enough to find yourself caught in a divorce during these tough economic times, you’re going to wonder how you can make sure your interests are protected in your divorce without breaking the bank in the process. Here are five suggestions from http://www.midohiodivorce.com to help keep the cost of your divorce litigation in check.

1. Don’t even consider going it alone unless you have no other choice.

One trend which has been frustrating family courts has been the increase of “pro se” divorce filings. “Pro se” is the term commonly used for parties who are without legal counsel. Although a divorce can be a complex matter fraught with opportunities to make extremely costly errors, the court generally cannot provide legal advice to the parties nor can it refuse to hear the case without involvement of qualified divorce counsel. Even with a slight error in language, the end result can be the loss of an interest in retirement funds, the loss of child custody, the inability to discharge debts in bankruptcy, errors in spousal support calculation, and numerous other possibilities. Even if the end result is satisfactory, going it alone can result in needless frustration, a substantial, and unforeseen, time commitment on the part of the pro se parties and the court, and more cost than initially anticipated in light of additional court costs and time away from work finalizing the case.

When looking at the cost of divorce litigation, parties often look at the expense of the attorney and court costs alone without taking other, indirect, costs into account. While an attorney may charge $1,500.00 for an uncontested divorce, a party who decides to represent himself may find that the fee would have been well worth it once he goes through the process of doing the requisite research, completing the requisite forms, filing them, and addressing any problems raised by the court.

The general rule regarding legal representation in your divorce case is simply this: the earlier in the divorce process that you consult legal counsel, the more effective your legal counsel can be. While you might not be sure as to whether you wish to file for divorce or take other steps to address the conflict in your relationship, an experienced family law attorney can be a considerable resource. While most experienced family law attorneys maintain a low fee for initial consultations, they are also willing to discuss your options with you so that you may make an informed decision. Further, many maintain a list of competent marriage counselors and other community resources to assist you. They can also help you consider whether certain actions will affect you positively or negatively in a future divorce case.

If you simply do not have the financial ability to hire a qualified family law attorney, there are a few other options available to you. Quite often, the local Legal Aid Society will provide representation to indigent clients in divorce cases. You should also contact the local bar association and local law schools to see whether they offer a divorce clinic where indigent parties can obtain free representation in their divorce cases. If all else fails, and you do have to complete your paperwork yourself, you can often hire local counsel for a nominal fee to simply review your paperwork and advise you regarding any glaring errors he or she may find before you submit it to the court for filing.

2. Consider using alternative dispute resolution.

Sometimes even the roughest conflicts can be resolved amicably through mediation or collaborative law. The only true way to limit the expense of your divorce is to try and resolve your issues amicably with your spouse. This can involve one on one mediation or a settlement conference with your attorneys present. However, you should always inquire with your attorney regarding options for settlement or streamlining the process through any available alternative dispute resolution programs.

3. Do your research before retaining counsel.

In interviewing attorneys, make sure you know as much as possible about their experience and focus of their practices before making a final determination. Family law attorneys can have varying degrees of experience as well as a broad range of strengths, skills, relevant education and training, and, of course, weaknesses. In choosing an attorney to represent your interests, you should seek out an experienced and concerned attorney who will represent your interests and promote your goals zealously while also making sure that your decisions are being made based on reason rather than emotion. Most importantly, you should seek out an attorney with whom you are comfortable and who you feel you can trust.

The determination of whether one is comfortable with an attorney and feels that he or she can trust the attorney is obviously a personal, and subjective, one. However, the determination of whether an attorney possesses the optimal amount of experience and knowledge in family law can be easily researched and ascertained through a couple of questions in the initial intervie.

Find out, for example, if your state offers a “family law specialist” designation and, if so, whether the attorney you are consulting with is a family law specialist. Quite often, a state family law specialty designation carries heightened requirements concerning the percentage of the attorney’s practice devoted to family law cases, continuing legal education dedicated to family law issues, references from local family law attorneys and court staff, and often even submission to a family law specialty exam or other advanced screening process.

Not specializing in Family Law Practice does not mean an attorney is not competent to handle a Family Law case. However, where the attorney is not a specialist, or if you live in a state which does not offer a family law specialist designation, you should still inquire regarding the percentage of the attorney’s practice which is devoted to family law cases. Often, a greater focus on family law cases will entail an office with staff who are more experienced with the family law process and in handling issues which may arise from day to day as well as a more streamlined approach to handling domestic cases which, in turn, may result in more efficient and expedient representation.

4. Know your attorney’s full billing policy.

Recently, I read an advertisement for a “$350.00 flat fee for uncontested divorce” offered by a local law firm where I practice. The ad seemed deceptive since the filing fees for a divorce in the county where I practice were $250.00 which were clearly not included in the quoted price of $350.00 for an uncontested divorce. With the filing fee, the cost of a process server and any other necessary outside expenses, the ultimate cost of the divorce would be similar to the rates charged by other attorneys in the area. Thus, regardless of whether the attorney charges a flat fee or an hourly rate, you should always review the attorney’s billing policy to see whether there are other charges such as filing fees, postage, service of process, long-distance telephone charges, copies, or other charges in addition to the quoted fee.

The other key word in the “$350.00 flat fee for uncontested divorce” ad was the word “uncontested.” Often, parties will jump at the offer without asking the question of what happens if they cannot reach an agreement with their spouse on the terms of the divorce. If this happens, the “uncontested” divorce quickly becomes a “contested” one and the client often has to pay additional fees for contested divorce representation.

5. Know whether your attorney incorporates recent technological advances into his or her practice.

Does the attorney use email? Believe it or not, there are still attorneys who do not have a computer in their offices let alone use document automation software or computerized case management systems. They rely upon more traditional methods of communication and this works well for them and their clients. However, with such methods comes the need for additional personnel, increased telephone expense, and a greater time investment than would exist if these technologies were used.

Document assembly software is simply software which generates the various forms required for a divorce filing from a central database of client information. Rather than entering the same information numerous times on numerous forms, the information is entered once and the documents are automatically populated with the requisite information. Document assembly software streamlines the document assembly process and allows attorneys to spend less time drafting paperwork and more time focusing on the legal issues in the case.



JAE

Jannelle Zawaideh asked:


Our wedding day is one that we look forward to years before it even happens. It is considered to be one of the happiest and most important times in our life and represents the start of a new chapter in our lives. Sadly however for many people ’till death do us part’ isn’t quite the reality that they get. For many married couples the bliss that comes with marriage, doesn’t last forever and for whatever reason there is a need for the marriage to come to an end via a divorce.

Going through the process of a divorce isn’t an easy time for either party involved. It is a highly emotional and trying time as well as being one that is tied up in laws and restrictions. Carrying on with a marriage that clearly isn’t working and that is causing unnecessary unhappiness can be far more destructive for the people involved than the effect of a divorce. The most important aspect when it comes to a divorce of course is whether a court should grant the divorce or not.

There are two main basic approaches to divorce, which are fault based and no fault based. The type of approach that is taken towards divorce depends on which state you live in. 49 states have adopted no fault divorce laws with grounds for divorce that include incompatibility, unsolvable differences and an irreversible breakdown of the marriage. No fault divorce is the main approach that is taken to divorce; however a fault based approach is also still used in certain states. A fault divorce can include aspects such as adultery or a complete breakdown of marriage. With a fault approach to divorce there is a general need to provide proof that demonstrates that the marriage has broken down beyond repair. It should be noted however that even if a state has adopted a no fault policy when it comes to divorce a court may still take into account the behavior of the parties when aspects such as property division, debts and child custody are considered.

The basic difference that determines what approach is being taken towards divorce is whether a state is liberal or conservative. It has been said that these divorce laws have made the divorce process simpler to attempt. Also the fact that every state follows its own laws when it comes to divorce it means that people do not deviate from state wise defined laws.

According to a statement released in 2005 it has been said that married couples now divorce two and a half times as often as adults did 20 years ago and four times as often as they did 50 years ago. It is estimated that between 40% and 60% of new marriages will eventually end in divorce. 20% of divorce is said to come from the first five years of marriage and 33% of marriage is said to end in divorce within the first 10 years.

There are numerous reasons as to why couples end up filing for divorce but whatever the reason is it is important that you have the correct help and guidance to get you through the divorce proceedings.



CANDICE

Kelly Purden asked:


You can find many articles that promise quick solutions to stop a divorce. The truth is that there are no fast rules you can follow in order to stop an impending divorce. If your partner decides to file a divorce, it could be difficult to stop it. You’re going to need a lot of effort to make your partner change his or her mind. You have to be ready to face your partner’s ire - and confront your own hard feelings as well. Furthermore, you’re going to need patience to work on your marriage because this will surely take time. Although quick results can never be guaranteed, there are solutions to stop a divorce.

One of the most effective solutions to stop a divorce is the power of persuasion. You and your partner are each given the option to slow down your divorce - if you want to. Since you’re here, you’re obviously looking for a way to fix your marital troubles and put a stop to the divorce proceedings as soon as possible and at all cost. If a divorce has been filed and you don’t like it, your only hope is to persuade your partner that your marriage is worth a second chance - and there is no better way to do this than to tell him or her about the many disadvantages of divorce.

A divorce must not be entered into lightly because its consequences are of the most serious matter. Whether or not you and your spouse have children, a divorce can strongly affect your lives. One of the most painful effects of divorce is the breaking up of a family. If you don’t have children, you and your spouse would still have to deal with discouraging thoughts about marriage and family. If you have children, you and your spouse would cause them more pain and confusion than you can imagine. Many psychologists believe that the effect lasts a lifetime, and children of divorced couples usually have poor academic performance, difficulty in their own relationships, general bitterness towards society, and familial instability right after the divorce and even as they grow older. Moreover, a divorce entails money; it is expensive. It can reduce your living standards since you will be forced to live on your own paycheck. Tell your spouse that solutions to stop a divorce must be employed because a divorce will hurt not just your children but you yourselves, your personal relationships, your faith, your romantic hopes, your pocket, and the way you live.

This is why marriage counseling is suggested before resorting to any drastic measures such as getting a divorce. If you haven’t gone through marriage counseling yet, ask your partner to consider this option and give it a try. Convince your partner that such an option isn’t only for you - it’s for his or her sake, too. Many divorce couples who filed for divorce before trying out alternatives like marriage counseling have confessed regretting their decision. They say their choice still haunt them and make them think of what could have been had they chosen to at least attempt to save their relationship. Solutions to stop a divorce abound, and you can pick an alternative, such as marriage counseling or even a trial separation, that doesn’t carry the life-changing consequences that a divorce can bring.



SANTO

IC asked:


When filing for a divorce you need to fill out papers for legal settlement. There are several free divorce forms available today. Divorce forms can either be for a fault or no-fault divorce, and can involve other related forms.

The modern practice in the U.S. now allows for no-fault divorces. In the past, the court only allowed spouses to divorce in the occurrence of a liability incurred by either party. Divorce was not permitted on reasons that had no grounds, such as non-existing evidence of disloyalty, adultery or domestic abuse.

A no-fault divorce does not require spouses to have to state particular reasons to push through with their divorce. They can obtain free divorce forms any time they feel the need to end their marriage. A no-fault divorce requires no evidentiary proceedings and either party can request for a divorce whether the other agrees to it or not.

If you are looking for a free divorce form, there are things you need to consider. Free divorce forms usually do not come in highly designed packages that contain tutorials in comparison to those that you need to pay for. Thus, it is always a good idea to familiarize with the aspects and requirements involved in filing for divorce while discussing these with a legal professional.

For fault or no-fault divorce, here is some important information you need to file or can add to your checklist when discussing with your attorney:

· R408 Form

· Complaint for divorce

· Copy (certified) of Marriage Certificate.

· Financial statement

· Affidavit disclosing child custody

Take note:

· A period of time to answer a file is always given to the defendant, which can be 20 days.

· A file for divorce can take up to 6 months to process, especially for no-fault divorce.

· Filing for divorce may incur fees.

· You can obtain free divorce forms online.

· Forms that are printed out (especially online free divorce forms) are sometimes required to be printed on a particular type of paper with a particular color. Little details like these are vital if you want court proceedings or the divorce process to go smoothly. You can consult a legal professional about this or view some samples beforehand.

Here are other related forms that you might want to discuss with your attorney:

· A Separation Agreement that includes details on custody, child support and property (must be signed by both parties)

· A spreadsheet detailing Child Support Guidelines

· An Affidavit of Indigence

· Forms for divorce with children involved: Child Support Guidelines and PACT program (Parents and Children in Transition)

· Trial Request

· Marital settlement agreement with minor children forms

· Marital settlement agreement with no children forms.

The information provided is only a guideline and should not be taken as legal advice. Any information you use while filing a divorce can be used counteractively in court. It is always best to consult an attorney or legal specialist before filling, signing and submitting forms.



THURMAN

IC asked:


Filing for divorce could be a complicated task. You hear about quick divorces, and then there are “messy” divorces and the “divorce from hell.” There are many tasks required when it comes to any divorce. In the modern day, you can now utilize free divorce forms online.

What are divorce forms?

Divorce forms are papers where both parties provide information and form agreements to legally settle their divorce. Divorce documents are useful tools for future reference when it comes to financial issues, properties and having children.

Is obtaining a free divorce form online the best thing to do?

Filling out forms yourself can save a lot of time and money as opposed to hiring a divorce lawyer. If cost is a concern for you and there are no children or property divisions that may be involved, then using a free divorce form online may be the best for you. These are some of the benefits you can get from using divorce forms online:

- Immediacy and convenience – Using a divorce form online does not require you to show up in court and will not hinder you from traveling or relocating.

- Financial security - Divorce papers can secure your finances now and in the future.

- Good for uncontested divorces – Online divorce sites are tailored for uncontested divorces where both parties agree to make a mutual separation.

- Lower costs - You can represent yourself as your own lawyer without bringing in a third party or incurring extra costs. Online divorce services that aren’t free still offer their services at a much lower cost (less than $1,000) compared to hiring a lawyer, which can cost you thousands of dollars.

- Improved forms – There are now many free divorce forms online that deal with more complicated property divisions.

Although many do use free divorce forms online, they still have some risk. In some cases, online divorce services may not be for you. Here are the downsides of using online divorce services:

- Online forms usually pay attention only to technical aspects—issues that are more complicated and emotional like in the case of child abuse or financial disputes cannot benefit from answering technical questions alone.

- Online divorce services cannot offer complete financial protection. If one party is dominant over the other when it comes to sharing assets, these assets could be split unfairly.

- Not all online divorce forms are for every state.

Where can I find safe websites?

Look for national websites. For example, a national website usually indicates what state its legal forms are appropriate for. The services provided in these websites are absolutely legal. The process of online forms involves signing, notarization and filing and can take only two days.

Since every state has its own laws, try to search for online services that specifically cater to the particular state you are in.

Do not consider online services as your lawyers. These services only act as a guide to assist you in the preparation of your divorce.



JANICE

Brad Jefferson asked:


There is no way around it; divorce is a painful process to go through. Even when the relationship has been on a downward spiral and both parties have been miserably unhappy, ending the relationship with a divorce is a tremendous loss on both sides. Many who go through a divorce will grieve the loss of the partnership in the same way one grieves for a person who has died. In some cases, more years together will result in a greater sense of loss and abandonment when the divorce takes place. For others, even the end of a newer marriage can trigger similar feelings, with grief for the loss of a companion during a divorce compounded by the shattered dreams and hopes of the life together that was anticipated. If you are currently going through a divorce, or still reeling from a separation that is now legally complete, there are people who can help.

The Divorce Process

The main person who will help you get through the divorce process itself can be your divorce attorney. Your divorce attorney will see to it that your rights are protected, your property is divided fairly and your children are well cared for. Sometimes simply knowing that your divorce is in the able hands of your attorney gives you the necessary confidence to make it through the process. Your divorce attorney can even guide you through a mediation and amicable divorce agreement so you can avoid the stress of court altogether. This is especially true if you have children involved in the process and you are concerned about whether their rights are being protected under divorce law. If you need further assistance dealing with your divorce and don’t know were to turn, your divorce attorney may also be able to point you in the direction of a competent individual who can help you work through the many negative emotions you are reeling from.

Support Groups or Group Therapy

If the pain and loss are not getting any easier after the divorce process is complete, it might be time to consider joining a support group or group therapy. There are many divorce support groups in every area of the country, so you should be able to find one that you are comfortable with and that works well with your schedule. If you are unsure where to look for these groups, you might ask your divorce lawyer that handled your divorce proceedings for a recommendation. At the very least, you may take comfort in the fact that others are experiencing similar situations. You may also get sound advice from people who have gone through the process before you and have learned methods of coping with the situation through their own experiences.

Divorce is a challenging situation that can bring up feelings of abandonment, loneliness, anger and even grief. Don’t try to go through the process alone. If you are unsure where to turn, ask your divorce attorney for assistance in getting the support you need to survive this difficult process.



STANLEY