myballuff asked:


I have been planning a move for months now to another state.I have never been married and my daughters father only pays child support there is no custody order as of yet.Today one week before i am supposed to leave i was served papers for custody and visitation.He wants joint custody and joint physical custody plus the right to claim her as a dependant on taxes.he put in order i wasnt working wich i am, i sell on ebay.It is taxable.I am in iowa.we agreed when she was born every other weekend and a couple weeks in summer and i let him and his family have her whenever they like.very flexible.Alot of holidays.He is over road truck driver and rarely home his parents care for her mostly on his weekends.daughter played ball this summer he made one game out of 21.he even calls to cancel weekends.he is used to 4 days a month with her not even that sometimes.i agreed to pay for ticket to come see him reguraly before he served papers.Can i still legally move in a week?Is it considered taking her
I am finding very quickly that if you do not have money and your ex does you lose in court because you have no money for legal rep(attorney)legal aid does not help in this instance.So it is gonna cost a 2000 retainer to respond to his papers.How can this be???i know he has rights but she is 7 and why wait 7 years to decide you want joint custody and to be dirty enough to do it one week before move.I have rented truck new apt.etc..in new state.Already transferred my cna status to new state and never wanted to take her from him, a agreed to pay all transportation costs before he filed papers.guess it wasnt nice enough for him offered all time she is off school.to make it worse they made sure she was visiting them when i was served with papers and i am supposed to get her monday.they have to give her back to me right????????

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4 Responses to “child custody?”

1. tweety3282001 on May 5th, 2009 4:33 pm

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   girl, pack your stuff and your daughter and move. there’s no order saying you can’t leave the state. as long as you show up for your court date. and don’t worry too much about being served. if all you say is true, he doesn’t stand a chance in hell of winning and he won’t be able to claim her on his taxes because she doesn’t live with him 6 or more months out the year. so stop worrying, continue with your plans and let the judge tell him just how stupid he sounds.

2. Linda B on May 9th, 2009 3:14 am

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   that’s a sick thing to do. that whole situation is screwed up, a child never having her own pillow. a unstable dad. personally i wouldn’t date again til she is 18, and during that time i would be the stable parent. hmm…but to move or not. that is the question, just go to the courts and prove that he is an unfit parent, and perhaps the court will see. did he sign the birth certificate? if he didn’t then hes not by law the father and there for cannot get custody, but just prove to the court that hes unfit. and then you should be able to move.goodluck.

3. Maiden Fair on May 10th, 2009 5:00 am

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   I agree with tweety3282001. As long as you appear for the court date, I see no reason why you can’t move since it is already planned. Keep your receipts, etc in case you do need to prove, at some point, that it was planned before you were served the papers. Do the papers state that you can not move out-of-state? Before you move contact an attorney and let him handle it. In the long run it will be worth the money. Find an attorney that has a solid reputation for child custody. Good luck to you!

4. Amelia L on May 13th, 2009 1:03 am

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   You can talk to an attorney the first time for free and any attorney would be glad to give you the advice you need. I know there are some states that will require you to stay in that state once papers have been filed requesting custody. But its not the same in every state, New York is one such state. I do know though that you can also speak to an attorney about the cost and they may accept a minimal fee and request that your daughter’s father be responsible for the remainder being that he is initiating this and makes more moeny than you do. That happened in my divorce from my kids’ father. You may also be able to get some information about how to represent yourself, yet I wouldn’t advise it in a joint custody case. If you do not have some sort of representation or ignore this, you will lose this.
   A father that works away from home and has no spouse will have a hard time obtaining joint physical custody, unless he can prove you unfit and has family in his home that can care for the child better than you can. Most of the time, a judge does not hold it against you that you do not earn as much as the other parent, but the best interest of the child.
   I would say that your ex does not have much of a chance.
   to make it short, make an appointment with an attorney for an initial consultation, do not stress over it too much, and most importantly, do not get hostile with your ex concerning the situation, he and his attorney can and will hold that against you.
   and you have sole custody, he has never made any of this legal, ask for more child support, have his wages garnished, and I would definitely never offer or agree to do anything for him ina financial sense, let him pay for the transportation.
   the taxes issue is a little iffy. my ex requested to claim one of our children on his taxes ashis dependent. This infuriated me because at that time he was $10,000 behind in child support(up to $20,000 behind now) and was asking that I dismiss the amount that he owed. I argued and denied him to claim any of my children on his taxes, the judge granted this to him and I kind of lost my temper in the court room. I had to forgive the back support, and the judge warned that if I were to argue or contest anymore, that he could grant my ex the right to claim all 3 of my children on his taxes. His reason being was that my ex made more money than I did at the time and was contributing more tax dollars, therefore basically telling me that the courts tend to do more favors for those who make more.