Angie B asked:


What are the Smart things for a mother to ask for in reasonable visitation for mother and father i know im asking for residential custody and i know schooling rights i just dont want to get jipped outta seeing my child for 90 days at a time! what are things i should ask for and things that throw out warning signs from the other half. Thank you by the way child is 5m in age and breastfed father is leaving for college soon he’ll come back on weekends.

RANDAL

12 Responses to “Child Custody and visitation What is Smart to ask for?”

1. Ernie From Ohio on February 27th, 2009 8:32 am

   Give all rights to the dad and work on your career. You won’t regret it. Plus since you don’t like the dad anymore he will have to quite school to take care of the kid so that will mess his life up too. Its a win/win.

2. mustagme on February 27th, 2009 9:55 am

   Even if you get 90 days away, it isn’t like you won’t see them at all. You will get weekends, like the father would get.

   5 months is a little young for that yet. Just remember to be fair. You both have a role to play and the child NEEDS a mother and a father.

   I think in the end, weekends would be fair to the father. Just remember though, you will see the child grow during the week. The father’s ONLY time is on weekends. 3 out of 4 weekends would be fine. And if the father can make it home during the week at times, a few hours there and there wouldn’t hurt either.

3. Tommy's_Girl on March 2nd, 2009 1:04 pm

   Well you could do ever other weekend or every weekend, and you get custody of him during the week, for a child that age they will want him to be with the mother most of the time, and if his father comes home on weekends then let him see the baby then. Good Luck.

4. none on March 3rd, 2009 6:34 am

   50/50 - no one pay child support. things like medical expenses, clothes, schooling (university, etc) are split or agreed upon before hand. i.e. I’ll pay for medical, you buy clothes.

   The child gets equal time with both parents and there are no arguments. I know a few families that have done it that way and it worked out really amicably. Also, there is less resentment between the parents - i.e.

   I take care of him and you just swoop in…!
   I never get to see him!
   You paid child support late 2x in a row!
   I pay for everything! etc etc etc.

5. njunprincess on March 4th, 2009 8:52 pm

   Since the child is so young, and is being breastfed, I don’t see much luck in the father taking baby overnight. Most states have a “standard” visitation guideline and I know it can be different for infants -vs- children of school age. My friend (male) was not allowed to take his little girl overnight until she turned 2yrs. Do some research or speak with an attorney for more information and clarification of your state’s statutes.

6. texas tornado on March 6th, 2009 2:17 am

   When your child gets to a decent age then the two of you can alternate between holidays, alternate between weekends, or whatever the two of you can agree upon.

   He can’t duke you out of anything. It is not like you are abandoning your child. If he pulls anything or you find out something is unfair, take the baby’s daddy back to court or look on the web for organizations that assist custodial and/or non custodial parents with legal right.

   Don’t think so negative so fast. It only leads to paranoia and misunderstanding.

   Good luck and God bless, especially for the sake of the child.

7. Lev8mysoul on March 7th, 2009 4:38 am

   The typical is to have sole physical custody ( the child lives mainly with you) and the dad would have every other weekend, or something similar, along with splitting the holidays. Example, one year you have Christmas and he has Thanksgiving with the child, while the next, it’s opposite. Things like that. Remember that you and dad are both your childs parents and the best thing is to work very hard at getting along for your childs sake. Work together to come up with an agreement that you both can live with and that can be changed as needed as your child grows. If worse comes to worse, sit down with a mediator and work it out between you.

   As long as you are breastfeeding though, there would probably have to be some accommodations made.

   What “none” said is an idea too, if you and dad get along well enough. The best way to deal with something like that though would be that you would both end up pretty much HAVING to live within the same school district in order for it to work well. That way your child wouldn’t be getting uprouted all the time, would be able to continue with the same friends, etc., and wouldn’t end up with the resentments that could occur if you both live too far apart. The negative would be that if one of you finds a job somewhere where that parent would need to move to be close enough for that job, that would cause an issue with the visitation OR could cause resentment for that parent because they had to choose whether to take the job, or continue with the living arrangements concerning the child.

8. Cheri S on March 7th, 2009 6:08 pm

   Until baby is finished nursing he will have to visit at your place or just take baby out for a few hours (you provide a bottle of breastmilk)

   When the child gets older, every second weekend.. Alternate holidays and phone calls whenever the other parents would like to call.

   Do you really have to go through the courts to do this? Can you not work out something between the two of you? Fighting and nitpicking about this when the baby is really young and the Father/child bond isn’t that strong yet will only hurt the baby. Try something casual for now and if that has problems then go for something formal. Think of your kid and be mature, do not bring adult stuff into your kids world.

9. Brat on March 10th, 2009 5:26 pm

   Most states give the father some part of summer break for “parenting time” but that is not until the child starts school. Until 3 years of age in my state fathers can’t even have over night visits. They only get 1 4 hour period and 1 8 hour period a week for “parenting time”. This is from the time they are 2 until 3 then they get over nights every other week and 1 4 hour block during the week days. But again that is the state I am in. Every state is different. Ask for what you believe is right all the judge can do is accept it, come up with a compromise, or deny it. Make sure to include why you feel the way you do.

10. fairly smart on March 14th, 2009 2:44 am

    Mothers usually get primary custody, unless you don’t actually want it, take it. My set up is the father has him every other weekend, from 6 pm on Friday, to 6 PM on Sunday. He also sees him 2 hours a week, Tuesday & Thursday nights.
    Two weeks of vacation for each parent with child. Big times off, like Christmas & Easter/Spring break, are alternated. Big holidays are divided up into segments, first half, second half, & they rotate from year to year, parent to parent. This will not work for you still breatfeeding. But it would work for an older child. Summer for us, nothing changes, the setup is the same. Make sure no one can leave the country without the other parents knowlege. & I have found vacations HAVE to be taken in the summer, when he is off school. NO school time vacations….

11. sweetboo on March 14th, 2009 6:36 am

    I would let the father see the child on the weekend when he is home from school. He dose need to help with support of the child so dont let him off the hook with that. There are already to many dead beat dad in this world that dont want to pay but want to see the child. Im a single mom and I dont get help from my childs dad and I have been just fine I work, go to school and take care of my child all on my own. So just let him see the child on the weekends and make him pay support but dont let him have over night visits until the child is older and not breastfed anymore. Good luck

12. Keith on March 15th, 2009 2:52 pm

    For one thing, don’t be vindictive about your decision, Judges see that ” Trust me”. Show fair and kind decision making no matter how much you dislike the other party. Just make sure you document everything, buy yourself a digital recorder from radio shack, record every conversation with the other party, that also stops things from getting out of hand. As far as visitation, unless there is a reason why the father could not be there 50% of the time, look at you having residential custody with a parenting plan for the father to visit with the child on the weekends during the day only until the child reaches a certain age. Babies need routine and the same routine everynight. I don’t think this would be a problem for the father if explained like that. Don’t look at this whole split as a money thing about the baby either, that just cause huge arguments when child support comes into the eqaution, don’t discuss it, let the courts do it for you thats there job. Good Luck!