Momma! asked:


When parents divorce, I don’t see that as solving the problem but pro-longing it. Most divorces come from emotional/physical abuse, right? What makes the couple think divorce will help when the abuse can and often does turn to the children after the fact? What about future spouses? If the divorced person abused their former spouse, how does divorce stop that abuse?

Also kids grow into adults who think that arguing in front of kids is never appropriate or right. How does that help their children learn how to argue fairly?

What do you think?

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9 Responses to “Do you feel that divorce is short lived relief for a family?”

1. RS on March 17th, 2010 6:28 am

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   Divorce should be the last option to solve problems. Even then it will never be really over if children are involved. Divorce sux.

2. $0.02 on March 17th, 2010 2:41 pm

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   No, most divorces do NOT come from emotional/physical abuse. Most come from what is called irreconcilable differences, admittedly a catch-all phrase for we just can’t stand each other anymore.

   The rest of your question means nothing once that primary assumption is demonstrated false.

   How does it help their children to grow up in a household where the parents are miserable all the time?

   And even if a divorce WERE short lived relief for a family, that has to be better than no relief at all.

3. pandabear on March 19th, 2010 12:58 pm

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   Divorce doesn’t stop abuse unless the abuser gets some type of help.

   I don’t think most divorces happen due to abuse, I think most happen because the couple refused to acknowledge problems before they got married or just don’t believe marriage should be work.

   I don’t think parents should argue in front of the kids regardless of what’s going on. Seeing parents argue doesn’t teach a child how to argue fairly.

4. desmeran (emeritus) on March 20th, 2010 5:31 am

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   while someone who is abusive might certainly remain that way towards others after a divorce, if you’re suggesting that the abused spouse should remain in the relationship because otherwise someone else is just going to be the victim, i’d have to disagree very strongly with that.

   arguing in front of the kids is perfectly appropriate if it is done in the way you want kids to model. physical fighting or name calling in front of the kids (or otherwise) is not.

5. Busy Mommy PM on March 21st, 2010 8:36 am

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   There are 100’s more reasons to get divorced besides abuse. People change and some people just aren’t meant to be with each other, nor should they. Divorce is also between 2 people and it affects their families, people getting divorced aren’t concerned with their ex’s future spouses and their possible future children.

   If a person is an abuser emotionally or physically, there’s a high probability it will continue with the children or future spouses or children. Unless the abuser is forced into rehabilitation and actively wants to change, I don’t see how they’d ever change. However divorce can spare the other spouse and even the children the abuse. Sounds to me like it’s still a great solution to a bad situation.

6. Momto2inFL on March 21st, 2010 9:22 pm

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   I’ll speak for myself. My parents split when I was a kid. They fought nonstop growing up.

   I learned that I don’t want to go through divorce myself. I want to avoid it at all costs. My marriage right now has had its ups and downs (as most do) and I wanted to try EVERYTHING so I could look my son in the face and know that I tried. And I wouldn’t be lying to him.

   We’re in counseling right now and it’s working so well for us. It’s helped us in SO many ways. And we’re a happier couple, happier parents, and happier individuals because of it.

   I think before people split, they should try EVERYTHING and not count out certain things. And if then it isn’t working, then by all means, leave and split.

   You deserve to be happy, but most importantly, your kids deserve to have happy parents so they can be happy themselves.

7. chickenfarmer on March 22nd, 2010 5:01 pm

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   Divorce in my parent’s case was a long term solution to a long term problem. Marriage does not make love where love does not exist. As for the emotional/physical abuse, I won’t comment but neither of my parents turned their anger on to their kids anymore than the ocassional grouchiness.

8. Three Seventeen on March 23rd, 2010 10:46 am

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   I think that divorce often is the answer. It makes no sense to stay with an abusive spouse.

   My father used to beat my mother, but he never beat us. In fact, he got custody.

   Of course it’s useful not to repeat the same mistakes, but not everyone does. Some people are able to break the cycle when they divorce. Some aren’t.

   How does divorce stop abuse? You’re no longer abusing or being abused when you’re not with the other person. That’s like saying how does spending money make your bank account smaller.

   Children learn to argue fairly when they see that arguing unfairly leads to loss of marriage and family as they knew it. They learn to argue fairly from example. How is it fair if their dad gives their mom a black eye and she just stays at home? How is it fair if their mom cheats on their dad, and he just thinks that’s fine?

9. choice_4_men on March 25th, 2010 8:40 pm

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   I agree with the people that say divorce should always be a very LAST resort.

   There was a recent study by USA Today that said daughters who’s parents separate or divorce are 300% more likely to be victims of sexual abuse at the hands of a man, usually a stepparent or live-in boyfriend. Stats were similarly bad for the son to experience physical abuse after the divorce.

   Now tell me which is worse…to hear your married parents argue sometimes or to be physically and/or sexually abused after a divorce?